A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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