My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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