I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
