I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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