Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
