so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
