I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize