dude i'm inner monologue high
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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