After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
