i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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