You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
