I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this boner is exhausting
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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