I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
