She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
