just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize