I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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