There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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