woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
