Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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