I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
