I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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