You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize