If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
