this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
