dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
