i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
