Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She needs sedatives and a leash
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
