I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
