Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
