if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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