i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
