im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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