The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
