Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
