i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
