I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
