When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
