Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
