at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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