I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
