So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
