Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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