So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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