Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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