long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
