Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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