I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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