Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize