I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
