I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
