i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
