i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
