I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
