the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
