...so i touched it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
