im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
