I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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