Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
