You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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