Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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