Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
