real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
id be glad to
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
