Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize