matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize