Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize