Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
