We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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