Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
