drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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