I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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