i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
