Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
