I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
